Several members of my extended family, from my mother's side, take exception with me calling my darling 'lil cherubs "Chaos" and "Mayhem." To be clear, when I say "extended" I might as well write "extensive." My mother's side of the family is composed of a bunch of Irish Catholics marrying a fair portion of the Italian Catholics located in South Philly. They then took the "go forth and multiply" option in the Bible and ran with it. A lot. I've tried to give Jason an accurate count a couple of times but every time I come up with an exact number the phone rings with someone sharing news of another wedding or pregnancy, so I've given up on the idea of an accurate number.
With that in mind, this is a picture from my wedding of some of the folks that have an issue with me referring to my offspring as Chaos and Mayhem:
To be fair, this was outside of the Church. They're good Catholic boys, of course they took their hats off while in God's house. And the van behind them? Yeah, that's how they got to and from the wedding. Did I mention that the caterer had to make a liquor run during the reception so we wouldn't run out?
Anyway...
A couple of weeks ago my mother treated Jason, the kids and I to a week in Ocean City, New Jersey. Mom rented a darling house that was about a block from the beach. Jason came with us for the first part of the week and left Tuesday evening for work the next day. And a Phillies game. Priorities, dammit!
The kids were a bit "challenging" the morning after Jason left. Mom and I packed them up and took them to the beach. An hour of whining and fighting ensued. It was fun. Me, continuing my run for "Mother of the Year" did what any responsible parent would do... I crammed their flip-flops back on them and took my sandy-covered, whining, sniveling children to the shops on the nearby boardwalk and bought them new toys as a bribe that would get them to behave for at least a half hour.Bree chose a boat that Nick immediately commandeered.
No worries. We dug a hole for Bree.
Nick chose a set of molded toys that you can use to make a dinosaur skeleton. By the time we returned from the impromptu shopping trip, my mother's sister, Aunt Liz had arrived. She and Nick immediately began creating dinosaur skeletons as far as the eye could see.
Courtesy of the new toys and Aunt Liz we had a wonderful day on the beach. At the end of the day we began to pack up. Mayhem then remembered that he was unhappy and decided to make packing up as challenging as possible. For each toy that we would clean up and pack away, he would pull out two more. We gave him two of the dinosaur bones to carry back and that settled him down for 3.8 seconds. He then began screaming "I WANT ALL THE BONES!" Over and over and over. As loudly as humanly possible. Think of the siren on a firetruck and multiply. By twenty. My mother, Aunt Liz and Bree appeared to silently determine that they were not actually related to Nick or myself and began to industriously pack up everything and as a unit turned and left. My darling, baby girl, Bree, who has never gotten anywhere first with her little three-year-old legs led the march off the beach with her grandmother and Aunt and away from Nick and myself.Mayhem continued the screaming the entire way off of the beach, across the boardwalk, down the ramp to the street, and all the way back to the house. Remember how I said it was only a block? Didn't seem that short of a trip at that point. People were pointing, staring and laughing. In Jersey! We were a spectacle in New Jersey! Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a spectacle in New friggin' Jersey?
The next day? Nick pulled his pants down and made the walk back to the house giggling with his pants around his ankles and his twig and berries flopping in the breeze. Reminds me more and more of his Daddy every day.
Now, to wrap this all up... I don't think I have to justify referring to my children as "Chaos" and "Mayhem" to my mother's side of the family any longer.
xoxo
Deb
